The Kid in Me - 014

The kid in me is what some call your inner child, the part of you that reflects the essence of your younger self. This is the part of your psyche that remembers what it’s like to be spontaneous, playful, adventurous and trusting. But it’s also the part of your psyche that feels vulnerable, since as a child, you are reliant on adults, usually your parents, to take care of you. As a middle-aged man, I no longer rely on my parents to take care of me. I’m the adult who takes care of me now, and I have to do that in a variety of ways, including making sure my inner child feels safe.

For some of you, this may sound incredibly esoteric and not relevant to your life, but bear with me and I’ll explain the importance of this. I can’t tell you how many times I brought up a patient’s inner child as they struggled to work through their mental and physical health issues in a positive way. But I can tell you that every single time, they experienced a powerful epiphany that often resulted in their eyes welling up with tears.

Why did this happen? There are not many situations in your life where you’ll feel more vulnerable than when you experience a serious health condition. For many, it’s the first time you think deeply about your mortality and the relatively short time we have on this earth. The origin of this vulnerability is when you as a child first felt the vulnerability associated with needing someone to take care of you. So when I brought up the importance of supporting their inner child, that concept resonated deeply with them.

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I’m blessed in that my very first memory as a child is me lying in a crib next to my parents’ bed while my mother held my hand through the rails of the crib. I remember it so vividly in that I know my crib was on the left side of the bed, and that’s the side my mom always slept on. As an adult, I asked my mom about this memory, and she said, “ I don’t know how you could remember that because you were a baby.” She went on to say that Mike’s (my twin) crib was on my father’s side of the bed and my crib was on her side. I’ve always been a mama’s boy:)

With that memory and consistent loving care on my mom’s part, came the realization that my mom loved me and would take care of me. Because I realized she would protect me, I didn’t need to feel so vulnerable, and I could be more playful and spontaneous.

As an adult, it’s still important to make sure your inner child always feels protected, especially when you are going through a really tough time in your life. If your inner child, the part of your psyche that feels the most vulnerable, doesn’t feel safe, then you are more likely to experience an elevated level of emotional stress related to what you are going through.

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So I regularly talk with my inner child. I usually do this as part of a meditation. Sometimes, I do this by speaking to him symbolically through a picture I keep in my home office. His picture sits next to a picture of my father. I remind my inner child that I love him unconditionally, that I’ll always protect him to the best of my ability, and we’ll get through this together. Other times, I’ll visualize him sitting on my lap while I cuddle him just like a father would. This is an incredibly powerful meditation and I recommend everyone give it a try.

In turn, he reminds me what it’s like to really love life, how much fun it can be, and how to be spontaneous, which is often where creativity lies. He also reminds me of my bravery and achievements. This is because your inner child is not just a tiny baby, but exists in your psyche as your younger self at various stages of life.

When I do these inner child meditations, some of the practice involves reminiscing about really fun times - playing neighborhood hide and seek with my favorite cousins, going to my neighborhood swimming pool every summer, and having the courage to jump off the high diving board.

He reminds me of fearlessly doing backflips on our trampoline and the first time I kicked off a water ski and felt the incredible rush that came with slalom skiing. He reminds me of the night I excitedly called my father to tell him I had been elected president of my college fraternity and the day I got the acceptance letter to medical school.

All of those things I achieved through his help, and in turn, I make sure he’s felt taken care of and loved unconditionally. The more you remember to live life spontaneously and courageously, the easier life becomes. These concepts are all very symbolic, but symbolism is the basis for communication.

So to the kid in me, my inner child, “I love you with all my heart, and I’ll always take care of you.” He in turn tells me, “You’ve got this. You will find the cure for this cancer. You’re my superman.”

If you’re a cynic, you’ll say this is fantasy, but I’ll remind you that miracles are scientifically documented and occur every day on this earth. My inner child reminds me that no one is immune to miracles and he’s right.

In the next newsletter, I tell you about the super positive experience of getting my PSA doubling time to dramatically slow down.